


shy sweet eagerly my most dear

by jillyfae



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Ficlet Collection, Fluff, Introspection, Isabelle Lightwood - Freeform, Jace Wayland is a Lightwood, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Tumblr Prompt, relationships take effort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-05-15 01:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14781384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jillyfae/pseuds/jillyfae
Summary: Collected ficlets & prompt-fills. Mostly (but not entirely) about Magnus & Alec kissing. Or thinking about kissing.(There will assuredly be more, but I keep the status as complete since each ficlet/chapter stands alone, and I'm never quite sure when I'll get & finish another prompt.)





	1. gentle words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for [antivanruffles](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/174332038940): "A Gentle “I Love You” Whispered After A Soft Kiss, Followed Immediately By A Stronger Kiss"

“What are you reading?” 

Magnus glances up over his book, his expression less distant than Alec had expected. Whatever he’s reading, he isn’t terribly engrossed. Rather than answering, Magnus clears his throat, and looks back down at the page, and starts to read. 

It takes a moment to really follow the words, because Magnus reading is slightly different than Magnus talking, a little slower, a little more studied, and the rhythm is soothing enough Alec thinks he could listen to the sound of Magnus’ voice forever, without it really mattering what he was reading at all.

But there are actual words there, and as Alec starts putting them together he feels a frown forming. It’s someone watching a duel of some sort, and it’s…

“That’s not how sword fights work.” Alec interrupts.

Magnus laughs at him, or not really at him, but at his timing. His smile is soft, his eyes warm with his obvious agreement. “The language is painfully modern and half the clothes are wrong, but somehow it feels a bit like the early 1800′s despite it all. It’s an enjoyable way to while away an afternoon.” 

“Historical fiction must be odd, when it’s a history you were in?” 

Magnus is still smiling as shakes his head. “Oh, the history is entirely secondary in this one.” His voice drops, and he leans forward. “I’m reading this one for the romance. The heroine’s girlfriend is pretending to be a _pirate.”_

Alec smiles. “Read me some more?”

Magnus’ smile widens, his shoulders lifting in what looks like pleased surprise. “Certainly.”

Alec puts his own book down, and closes his eyes as Magnus’ voice washes over him. Magnus was right, the fighting never does get much better, but the emotion is there. Alec’s surprisingly relieved when the leads are reunited, and he’s sure he’s got a sappy smile on his face by the time they’re declaring how much they love each other near the end. 

Magnus’ voice trails off as he finishes, and Alec keeps his eyes closed, enjoying the lingering memory of Magnus’ voice and the story in the air between them. It is a nice way to spend an afternoon. Much better than researching himself in circles again. 

He feels Magnus shift on the other side of the couch, and opens his eyes just in time to see Magnus smile before he leans in for a kiss, soft and gentle. Alec sighs against Magnus’ lips. _Best afternoon in ages._

“I love you.” Magnus’ voice is as soft as the kiss, and he’s still close enough Alec can feel the words brushing against his mouth. Alec lifts his chin to kiss him back, humming into his mouth as his lips part to let Alec in. Alec lifts his hands to pull him closer, and then has to stop kissing when Magnus laughs and shakes his head as they fall awkwardly back against the couch arm. 

“Stop that.” Alec grins as he adjusts the angle of his back and Magnus settles more comfortably across his chest. “You are getting in the way of me kissing you more.”

“Well, we can’t have that.” 

“No, we can't,” Alec agrees, and they’re both still smiling when he kisses him again.


	2. lazy morning kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [[anonymous prompt](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/174347304403)]

Alec’s not sure if he’s dreaming, but if he is he hopes he doesn’t wake up.

There’s sunlight on his feet, he can feel the warmth on his skin. Silk against his legs, smooth and soft even half tangled between his knees. Better than that is the feel of lips against his spine, right at the base of his neck. Then the warmth of breath moving, and lips again, just a little bit lower. 

Magnus has the best mouth in the world.

Alec’s pretty sure that’s an objective fact, not just his personal opinion. 

But however nice it feels, kissing Magnus is better.

Alec tries to suggest that, but he’s not quite awake enough, and all he manages is a soft grunt, the note of his voice lifting up a bit at the end. At least it’s probably pretty obvious he’s failing to ask a question.

Magnus hums softly, and the next kiss is back up on Alec’s neck, and then just behind Alec’s ear. “Good morning, Alexander.”

“Mmmm,” Alec agrees, and rolls over just enough to get his arm across Magnus’ shoulders and pull them closer together. He nuzzles against Magnus’ jaw, warm skin just past his nose, warm breath brushing against skin. Alec follows Magnus’ breath, finds Magnus’ mouth without opening his eyes, and kisses him.

Alec kisses him _properly,_  taking his time to feel each press of lips, to follow each breath in or out, slowly, endlessly, until his whole body feels as if he’s been warmed by the sun, rather than just his toes. Alec sighs and feels his body settle in the bed, feels Magnus settle against his chest. “Good morning.”

“Breakfast?” Magnus’ voice is soft, his fingers just barely brushing against Alec’s jaw as he speaks.

Alec blinks his eyes open just enough to see Magnus’ face, right there, right past his nose, eyes gold and mouth smiling. Alec shakes his head, and leans in to kiss him again. Magnus’ breath stutters a bit, an almost laugh swallowed by Alec’s mouth. 

Magnus hums against Alec’s lips and hooks a leg over Alec’s thigh to pull him closer. All in all, it’s a very clear agreement that breakfast can wait.

This is better.


	3. drinking & kissing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for [ohfreckle](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/174433330173): _The taste of Vodka at the back of your throat_ via [[sensory prompts](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/174401506128)]

Alec doesn’t like to drink. He’ll drink with people because that’s part of his job, really, part of putting them at ease and keeping them talking, even if it’s just about the subway delay or the weather. He’ll have a beer at The Hunter’s Moon to “celebrate” whatever someone wants to celebrate, because that’s what friends do. Wine with dinner’s all right, but most everything else he nurses carefully, and tries not to taste it every time he sips.

Alec likes watching Magnus holding a cocktail though. Likes the way his fingers curl around the glass, the way his arm shifts as he talks, wide and graceful and somehow never spilling a drop. Alec likes the curl of Magnus’ smile when he takes a sip, the glint in his eyes when he snaps his fingers and magic flares and his glass refills, or the alcohol sparks or changes color as he adjusts the recipe to his whims.

Alec likes the anticipation. 

He loves the way Magnus tastes after he drinks, when everyone else has gone and they’re finally alone. Wine makes his breath thicker, sweeter, until Alec feels like he’s drinking each exhale down between every kiss, and the world slowly warms around them. Gin crackles along his tongue, sharp and impatient. Tequila makes him giddy, swallowing the urge to giggle down a too warm throat. Whisky burns, slowly, inexorably. 

Alec’s favorite is vodka. He licks the tang of it out of Magnus’ mouth, can taste it in the back of his throat, almost bitter, and then it hits his chest, aching and lingering. It turns off his thoughts, his worries, until Alec succumbs completely to Magnus’ every whim, to the whispers between his lips and the pressure of their bodies pressed together. 

Every night with Magnus is a good night, but vodka nights are especially nice.


	4. coffee break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [kisses where one person is sitting in the other's lap](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/174543237323)

Alec puts his book down onto the desk, leans forward onto his elbows, and rubs his eyes. Rubs them too hard, really, a sting through his head and an ache in his sinuses that spikes rather than eases. 

He hears Isabelle sigh, and what is presumably the soft thump of her own book hitting the coffee table. 

“Break time.” Alec can’t hear Magnus put his book down, and assumes he chucked it into one of the empty chairs instead. It’s the first time he’s felt like smiling in hours. “Coffee?”  


“I’ll go.” Isabelle sighs, and then he hears the sharp click of her boots as she walks out of the room.   


Alec echoes her sigh, but can’t quite manage anything else. He feels an intangible weight in the air, a hint of warmth somewhere past his arms, and looks up at Magnus where he’s leaning against the edge of his desk. Everything is _too much,_  Jace and Clary and demons and possessions and Morgan and the Owl and the leylines and Lorenzo and his mother and… the fact that Magnus is almost too far away to touch is somehow at this instant the worst of all of them. Alec turns his chair, and reaches for Magnus’ arm and tugs. Magnus’ eyebrow lifts, but he moves easily enough. Once he lands in Alec’s lap, Alec wraps his arms around him, and tucks his head into the crook of Magnus’ shoulder.  

Magnus settles, and there’s something so perfect about his weight, the fact that he’s _there,_  warm and solid, his arm resting across Alec’s shoulders. Alec sighs again. This time his back relaxes with it, and he rubs his nose against Magnus’ neck. There’s a hint of a shiver across Magnus’ shoulders as if it tickles, and Alec smiles and does it again. 

Magnus actually _squirms_  that time, and Alec lifts his head with a soft laugh. He’s not sure what he’s planning on saying, and before he can decide Magnus leans in and kisses him. His lips are soft, and his mouth opens easily to Alec’s tongue, and Alec leans into his warmth until the rest of the world disappears. 

He startles when he hears Isabelle snort, and pulls back to blink at Magnus, who looks as blank as Alec feels. There’s a soft _tap_  on his desk, and he turns to see a drink carrier with two mugs in it. He lifts his head, and there’s his sister, eyebrows raised as she looks at him over the top of her own drink.

Right.

Office.

Research.

Isabelle glances sideways at Magnus and back to Alec before she loses it, an awkward sort of sputter as she starts laughing. Alec is reasonably sure his lack of thought was patently obvious. He rolls his eyes, but he can feel himself smiling. 

“Thank you, Izzy.” He sounds slightly grumpy as he says it, and she waves a hand at him before collapsing back into a chair with one last snicker.

“You mean, _why did you have to come back so soon,_  don’t you?”  


Magnus makes a rude noise in the back of his throat, clearly caught between agreement and the smell of fresh coffee. He starts to push himself up, as if he’s going to get out of Alec’s lap, and Alec tightens his arms around him to keep him still. 

Magnus shoots him a sideways glance, but he’s smiling too, and he stops trying to move. Alec does push against the edge of his desk enough so the chair turns, and Magnus can reach the coffee. Since they’ve been interrupted they might as well.

Isabelle asks Magnus something about shoes, clearly deciding they all need a break, and Alec sips his coffee and smiles as Magnus and Isabelle continue a conversation that he knows is in English, but still manages to be mostly incomprehensible. Each individual word usually makes sense? 

But they’re happy, and his coffee’s warm, and Magnus is close enough that Alec can smell sandalwood and what he thinks might be amber, after all the times Magnus has attempted to talk to him about his cologne, and he can’t help but think that everything’s going to be all right.

Somehow. 

Eventually.

And until then, this is nice too. 


	5. good morning and good night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [before bed kiss](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/174603577963)

They had a lazy morning, for once, lingering in bed, in the shower, then over breakfast on the balcony. Alexander tasted like syrup and bacon and sunlight, and his skin was warm beneath Magnus’ palms. Alec kept smiling, small and soft, and the light caught in his eyes until they glowed.

It was a wonderful morning.

Magnus was idly considering between more coffee or kissing Alec again, leaning unsurprisingly closer to Alec, when the alarm on Alec’s phone went off, and they both sighed instead. At exactly the same time. Alec’s mouth twitched with amusement.

“Portal?” Magnus asked.

“I’m meeting a patrol near-by, I’ll walk.” Alec dropped a quick kiss against Magnus’ lips, there and almost gone again before Magnus managed anything beyond a short hum. 

Magnus grabbed Alec’s collar with a pout, and pulled him back in for a proper good-bye kiss, one that lasted more than half a second, followed by a quick shove to separate them before they fell back into the warmth of the sunlight.

Alec blinked at him. Magnus knew the feeling.

Magnus let go of Alec’s shirt, and patted his chest. “Be safe.”

Alec had to clear his throat before he could talk, and Magnus grinned. “I’ll do my best.” 

“I know.” Magnus leaned back into the cushions and watched through the windows as Alec shrugged into his coat and collected his gear and boots. He blew Magnus a kiss, and headed towards the door.

He stopped suddenly, digging his phone out and staring down at it. Even from here, even with the sun’s reflection cutting across his view, Magnus saw Alec’s shoulders slump, followed by the sharp lift of his chin that meant he was probably rolling his eyes. 

Then he was turning back around and striding back to Magnus’ side. Magnus opened his mouth to ask what had happened, but Alec dropped down to his knees and pulled Magnus into a kiss before he could. An entirely different sort than the lazy ones they’d been trading all morning, deep and thorough, his tongue in Magnus’ mouth and his fingers curling tightly around the back of Magnus’ neck. Magnus’ breath caught and his chest felt tight and the warmth of his skin was now almost too hot to bear.

Alec pushed back, and rested his head against Magnus’ forehead, breathing heavily enough Magnus could feel the air moving across his face. 

“I have to help with an evening patrol, too.” Alec’s voice was rough, his fingers curling tighter as if he wanted to keep them this close together forever.

Magnus couldn’t argue with that. 

Double patrols until late at night meant Alec would be crashing at the Institute tonight. Magnus held in the sigh, but he couldn’t stop the slight slump of his shoulders, a mirror of Alec’s reaction a moment ago. 

“So you needed another good-bye kiss?” Magnus lifted a hand until his fingertips found Alec’s cheek.

Alec turned his head into the touch. “No, I didn’t want either of us to have to go to bed later without a goodnight kiss.”

Magnus almost laughed, almost sniffed, felt each beat of his heart in his chest. “Sweet dreams, Alexander.”

“I’m sure they will be.” Alec kissed Magnus’ forehead before he stood, and smiled down at him. “I’ll dream of you.”

It ought to have been the stupidest line, but somehow it never was when Alec said things like that, and Magnus smiled back up at him. “I love you.”

“Love you, too. See you tomorrow.”

Alec turned and left again. This time he made it out the door. Unfortunately. 


	6. close calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [[tumblr prompt: angry kiss](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/179494419863)]

Alec escorted the team to the infirmary when they got back. He made sure everyone was fine, and he turned and headed towards his office. Magnus fell into step behind him, which normally would have disturbed him, would make the spot between his shoulder-blades itch.

Not today.

_He was perfectly calm._

None of the people who usually greeted him as he walked through Ops made a noise. Barely any of them even looked up. Lindsay was curled so tightly down over her tablet it made his back ache in sympathy.

He made it to the hallway, and Underhill took one look at him and turned around and went the other way.

He was maybe not perfectly calm.

He kept himself quiet, at least, until he was in his office and the door closed behind them.

“What the hell–” Alec started as he turned around, but Magnus stepped in too close, his eyes flickering between brown and gold.

“How dare you–” Magnus’ voice sounded as tight as Alec’s spine felt.

“Me!” Alec cut him off. “You had no right to interfere.”

“I should have let the lot of you get yourselves killed?” Magnus lifted one eyebrow.

Magnus was standing too still; a Magnus who wasn’t talking with his hands was dangerous, but Alec couldn’t get past the panic still caught in his throat to think about that. “What, you think I’m can’t keep my people safe? We know how to do our job.”

“Yes, your entire team in the infirmary is a sign of a job well done.”

Alec flinched, and Magnus’ eyes settled on gold.

“I didn’t mean it like th–”

“Yes, you did.” Alec swallowed. “You always do.”

Magnus’ eyes closed, his shoulders stiff and his hands hanging heavily by his side. His mouth twisted, but Alec couldn’t tell if he was holding something in or trying to keep something out.

_Trying to keep me out._

“We had a plan.” Alec forced his words out, and they sounded it, sharp and clipped. “We’re not nearly as stupid as you think we are.”

Alec could see Magnus’ jaw shift, imagined he could hear Magnus’ teeth grinding. He didn’t contradict Alec’s conclusion. “I didn’t know the plan, what did you really expect me to do?”

“I thought you’d trust me.” Alec tried to hold onto the anger from a moment ago, but it had always been a thin layer over everything else, and he couldn’t find it again. His voice had gone too soft and small. He hated it.

Magnus barked out something that could charitably be called a laugh, despite being much too hollow for amusement. “I can trust you to fling yourself between anyone you’ve ever so much as seen in passing and danger without a singular thought for your own survival.”

“I should just let mundanes get eaten?” Alec rolled his eyes. “I’m a Shadowhunter, what in the hells do you expect me to do?”

“Not that.” Magnus gestured vaguely out the door, apparently trying to encompass the entire cluster-fuck of the mission. “And not _like_ that, either.”

“So is it wrong for me to do my duty? Or maybe you just don’t approve of my tactics?” Alec curled his fingers, restraining himself from rubbing at the spot between his eyebrows to ease the ache. “But it’s fine when you jump in from the sidelines to call all the attention to yourself?”

“You think I’m grandstanding?” Blue shimmered around Magnus’ hands, flared out into a flash of red and popped into nothing again as Magnus’ clenched his fingers. “I’m trying to save you from your own lack of sense.”

That hurt, a twist in his throat and a burn low in his gut. Each word out of Magnus’ mouth was edged in disdain sharp enough to cut.

“I’m not some pet you need to protect from the big bad world.” Alec closed his eyes and sighed. He heard Magnus inhale, a hint of an _Alexander_ as he exhaled, but Alec was too tired to listen. “I have to file the reports. If you don’t mind?”

Alec made himself open his eyes, tried to step around Magnus to wave him out the door.

Magnus refused to cooperate, stepping forward until Alec stepped back, further and further from the door. He was no longer in any position to get either of them out of his office.

“Why won’t you let me help you?” Magnus’ jaw was still clenched.

“That’s rich, coming from you.” Alec shook his head. “Just. Go, all right?”

“No it’s not all right!” Magnus’ hands flung out wide, his weight shifting back on his heels.

Alec wanted to roll his eyes, wanted to yell, wanted to… Something that wasn’t _this_. “Everyone’s fine, Magnus.”

“Are they?” Magnus reached out, one finger poking against Alec’s breastbone hard enough to sting. “I don’t think you are. Stop pretending.”

“I’m not pretending anything.” Alec gave in, lifted a hand and scrubbed at his face, as if he could wipe away exhaustion. He’d been tired last night; he’d passed exhaustion hours ago. “I’m tired, and if I’m going to say the wrong thing no matter what, I’d rather get some work done.”

“There’s no such thing as wrong.” Magnus frowned, his voice tight and sharp. “There’s just saying what you’re thinking or not saying it.”

Alec snorted. “If that were true I wouldn’t have to spend so much of my life apologizing.”

“Then stop apologizing.”

“Because never doing so works so well for you?” Alec shook his head, ignored the way Magnus had gone still again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the plan, I’m sorry we almost got swarmed by rat demons, I’m sorry you think it’s acceptable to risk yourself to protect me whether I need it or not, and I’m glad no one’s dead, even if, as you say, we’re clearly _terrible_ Shadowhunters since the patrol still got poisoned. Are we done now?”

The soft noise in Magnus’ throat sounded like it hurt, and Alec’s swallowed scream tried to turn into tears. 

“What do you want from me?” Alec felt his own voice crack, and it wasn’t from exhaustion. “Because if it’s _not being a Shadowhunter,_ you know that’s not fair, and you know that it’s not going to happen.”

Magnus’ answer was more a growl than words. He stepped forward, but this time Alec held his ground. 

This time Magnus grabbed his lapels and kissed him, a hard press of lips that startled the breath out of Alec’s lungs. Magnus leaned, and Alec grunted as his the back of his legs hit his desk, hard enough he could feel the line of a bruise forming on his thighs. 

He could somehow _taste_ the anger in Magnus’ mouth, could feel it in the curl of his fingers pressed to Alec’s chest, and it felt strange and bitter. Kissing with Magnus had always been about joy or exploration or love, never _this._ But Alec was never going to be someone who could _not_ kiss Magnus back, would never want to be. Instead his hands settled on Magnus' hips and his mouth opened to Magnus' tongue. Alec slumped down until he was half-sitting on the edge of his desk-top, curled his fingers as he groaned into Magnus' mouth. Alec _gave,_ gave in entirely to the simmering tension between them.

As soon as Alec succumbed Magnus' fingers tightened, drawing the fabric so tight that Alec could feel the tension all the way around his shoulders, and then Magnus pulled back, a sharp jerk of his mouth off of Alec's, his breath heavy in the air between them. 

"Sixty years."

Alec blinked, tried to focus on something besides the feel of Magnus leaning in so close, tried to listen, even though there was barely enough force behind the words to make them more than a sigh. 

"I need.... It won't be enough but it's better than... " Magnus' voice broke and stuttered to a halt.

_Oh._

Alec made his fingers uncurl, let go of Magnus' hips just enough that he could slide his hands up Magnus' back, could pull him even closer, could hold him tighter. 

He felt Magnus' breath shudder out of him, and the back of Alec's throat burned, slick and bitter. 

"Magnus." Alec stopped, swallowed. He needed to get this right. He never got this right. He debated moving, pushing Magnus back so he could look at him, pulling them both over to the couch to sit down. Maybe he'd finally get it right if he couldn't see Magnus' face, couldn't look him in the eyes?

Alec let his thumb rub up against Magnus' spine.

"Shadowhunters don't usually die of old age."

Magnus flinched, and Alec tightened his arms, refused to let go, refused to let him move. 

"I've dragged you into this world with me, and I'm sorry."

Magnus started to shake his head but Alec kept going, forced himself to keep his voice steady. 

"Anything that could kill me could kill you, too. Just because you won't die of old age doesn't mean you're any safer than I am."

Magnus shoved, and this time Alec let him go. 

"So, what, we'll neither of us die of old age so we've got something in common?" Magnus spun around, pacing across the office, turning back again, his eyes glinting gold as they caught in the light. "That's not better!"

"Of course not." Alec could feel the water rising in his eyes, almost full enough to spill over. "But that doesn't mean it's not true."

Magnus snarled, turned his back, and stopped.

"I'm sorry," Alec offered again, his voice feeling like it was catching in his throat. He closed his eyes again, and the first warm tears caught in his lashes before they could fall. He shrugged, helpless and hopeless, his hands spread wide as he gestured blindly at the walls of his office. "I wish I could give you something more than..." 

Magnus cut him off with a noise much too close to a whine of pain, and Magnus was back in Alec's arms, his body slamming hard against Alec's chest, hard enough Alec almost fell backwards, had to lean into Magnus' body to keep himself upright. 

"You've given me everything." Magnus' voice trembled even as his arms wrapped around Alec, firm and steady. "It would have been worth it if all I got was sixty hours."

Alec let out a breath, too heavy for a sigh, too damp for a laugh, too warm for a sob. "I think I need to sleep for sixty hours."

"I think we can manage that." Magnus rubbed his forehead back and forth against Alec's shoulder, stepped back and shook out his hands before turning and swirling his arm in the familiar gesture for a portal. He paused then, an almost uncertain curl to his shoulders as he looked back at Alec.

Alec found it was suddenly easy to smile, for Magnus, and so he did.

Magnus' eyes brightened, and Alec reached out, met Magnus' hand as he reached back. They stepped forward once, twice, and let the magic take them home. 


	7. first choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be h/c for bohemian and it... kinda still is? if not quite the *prompted* h/c. hopefully still enjoyable [[tumblr](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/179734680248)]

"I'm not in love with Jace."

Magnus stills his steps, feels his toes curl in his shoes. His elbow brushes against the glass behind him as he steadies. He exhales, his breath joining the shift of cool night air against his face.

"I never was."

Alec isn't looking at him, but his voice is steady and even. His fingers move against the fire-escape railing, but the shift is slow, almost graceful; it looks like he's grounding himself with the touch, not that he's nervous.

What a thought that is, that Alexander Lightwood grounds himself _here_ rather than anywhere else, with anyone else. Magnus swallows. His chest aches, and something in his eyes burns. He blinks, makes sure he can feel his glamour as solid as ever.

"That's not why I missed him. That wasn't why I was such a..." Alec's grip on the railing tightens, and the fidget in his hands shudders all the way up to his shoulders before he manages to shrug. "I'm sorry."

"You said that already, and I meant it when I accepted it." Magnus keeps his voice low, trying to encourage without interrupting too much. "I have met _parabatai_ before. I am aware that it is, shall we say, intense?"

"I just." Alec pauses again. Magnus takes one careful step closer to Alec's perch on the stairs. "You're not some sort of... rebound, or second choice, or anything like that."

"I never thought—"

Alec makes a sharp sort of grunt in the back of his throat, and Magnus stops talking, goes back to listening. "I don't know if you need to hear it, but I need to say it."

Alec looks up at last, his eyes bright despite the darkness of the sky above them. "I'm gay."

It hangs in the air, and Magnus realizes this is probably the first time Alec ever actually said it out loud, possibly the first time he let himself say it at all, even just to himself. And he's sharing it with _Magnus_ , this first time, not with his family _._ Magnus can't help but smile as the ache in his heart blossoms outward, pressure easing and warming into dangerously soft affection. "And thank god for that."

Alec snorts, which seems to ease the tension that hunches his back. "Not the reaction I'd get if I said that at h—back at the Institute. Even now that they all know."

Magnus tilts his head, wonders if Alec had almost called the Institute home, wonders how long it hasn't been, wonders how often Alec still calls it such a thing that is so very untrue.

"Being gay is one of those deep dark secrets that no one ever reveals. One of those things we don't say. One of those things Shadowhunters _aren't_."

Magnus wants to step closer again, wants to pull Alec into his arms, wants to soothe the line of his shoulders with his hands, as if that could smooth away a lifetime of hatred and disdain. His fingers flex and curl by his sides, but he resists anything more. Alec doesn't look like he's done, like he's reached the point he wants to make. Magnus is not sure he'd forgive himself if he spooked Alec now. He's not sure this fragile almost-relationship would survive such a precedent.

"I knew that, of course. Everyone knew that, even if they didn't say it, but I didn't feel bad about being gay. Not like I was supposed to."

Magnus lifts his eyebrows, can't hold in the soft questioning hum. Alec is deeply mired in self-hatred, it clearly still weighs him down, no matter how dramatic a change he granted himself at his almost wedding.

Alec smiles, small and crooked, as if he knows what Magnus is thinking. "When I was six I wanted to marry Nathan Ashkeep because it made me happy when he laughed and I thought that way he could come to New York with us and stay forever."

Magnus laughs, his breath escaping in a soft uneven stutter.

Alec's smile widens. "Your laugh is even better."

Magnus waves a hand, half-acceptance, half-dismissal. He feels flushed and awkward and delighted, all at once. He wonders how much of that makes it onto his face, how much Alec can see, even in the dim lighting.

Alec sighs, his smile fades. "There wasn't anything _wrong_ in that, I knew it was innocent. It wasn't any different than when Izzy hugged Mateo Redhaven and dragged him over for dinner as often as possible. Everyone thought that was adorable, not just me."

"What changed?"

"Some of it was just time." Alec closes his eyes. His lashes are dark and thick against his cheeks as he exhales. "Everyone acts like something is horrible for long enough and you start to wonder if maybe they're right, if maybe you're the one who is wrong."

Magnus holds his breath and waits for Alec's eyes to open again.

"Then there was Jace."

Alec's voice is light, almost wistful, but his grip on the railing is tight again, tight enough Magnus can see the sharp angles of his knuckles in the dark.

"He was so sad and beautiful, and I wanted to bundle him up in a blanket in my arms and never let go."

Considering what they've learned about his so-called father, Magnus doesn't even want to imagine. Jocelyn had been so very desperate to keep Clary away from him, so sure that there was nothing worse for either of them than Valentine. Nothing worse for anyone than Valentine.

"When he got better at pretending he wasn't sad, all I could see was the beautiful, and there it was." And there it is indeed, self-loathing audible in the sudden edge to Alec's words. "Because I was gay I wanted someone who was supposed to be my brother _,_ and it was horrifying. _I_ was horrifying, and at last I hated myself just as much as I was supposed to."

"Alexander." Magnus can't bear it a moment longer, and takes the last step necessary to reach Alec. He rests his hand upon Alec's, squeezes until he feels the tension beneath his palms ease. Alec leans forward, brushes his lips against the back of Magnus' hand. His every move is so careful, so gentle, and the feel of his mouth is soft and warm against Magnus' skin.

Magnus inhales, blinks.

Alec is comforting _him._

As if Magnus feeling for him is a heavier weight than his own misery.

As if Magnus' comfort lifts him up more than his own happiness.

Alec shifts back again, sideways until his cheek presses against the railing a step or two higher than his hands. "I loved him, and he was my _brother,_ and he was _attractive._ And the more I loved him, the more I knew I would always love him, and the more I realized that they'd always been right, that I'd always been wrong, that I should be ashamed of myself."

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Alec."

Alec huffs out a breath that's almost a laugh. "I knew what you meant the first time you said that."

"I know." Magnus rubs his thumb against the delicate skin between Alec's thumb and forefinger.

"I don't believe it."

Magnus' hand tenses, and he has to make himself relax before his nails start to dig into Alec's hand.

"I'm trying to." Alec offers up the addition like it's a gift, a lift in his voice and a tremble in the fingers still resting beneath Magnus' hand. "Thanks to you."

Magnus shakes his head. "You're the one who made the choice to be yourself."

The breath Alec huffs out this time is not even close to a laugh. "I was holding too tight to my shadows to leave on my own. They were safe. Comforting, even, in their own terrible way. It was easier to hate myself for loving Jace then wonder what I was missing by never letting myself be _in_ love. There was no way I'd ever _do_ anything, no reason I'd ever get to choose something else, so it was right that I give up, that I stop feeling things."

That hurts, dull and heavy, pressing down until Magnus' ribs ache. It's so familiar, and not familiar enough. Magnus doesn't know what to say to it, how to lift that weight, how to shift that history so it's not bearing down on them.

"But I couldn't do that with you." Alec sits up now, his hand turning beneath Magnus' until they're palm to palm, fingers wrapping around each other. "You're too..." Alec's voice wavers, his breath escapes him but he's smiling with it, smiling at Magnus. "You're too bright, I can't look away."

Magnus isn't sure if that's a compliment or not, if he's been put on a pedestal rather than left to stand on the ground with everyone else. He's not sure how to ask that without accidentally accusing Alec of not knowing his own mind, of not knowing what he wants. That's an accusation he'd never risk, not about this, not about them. Especially not after this confession. But Magnus can't quite let it lie, either. "I have shadows."

Alec shrugs. It almost looks careless but Magnus can tell it's not, that he's thought about it, turned it around in his thoughts and considered every angle before dismissing it as unimportant to his conclusions. "I don't want to look away, Magnus. I want to see it all."

Magnus isn't sure he still knows how to breathe.

"If you want to let me." Alec dips his chin, looking up at Magnus through his lashes, the tilt of his shoulders almost shy. He's quite obscenely beautiful. Magnus cannot comprehend how he doesn't know this, how he hasn't ever felt admiration in the eyes around him rather than judgement.

"I don't know if I can." Magnus' voice feels rough, as if he's the one who's been talking for the past few minutes rather than Alec. "But I want to try. Thanks to you."

Alec looks almost giddy, a hint of a flush visible on his cheeks, and Magnus feels the very world shift beneath him. He feels dizzy, loses everything beyond Alec's gorgeous eyes and the feel of his own smile widening across his face.

He could stay here forever, just like this, holding Alec's hand in the dark.

Magnus knew he felt too much the very first time he met Alec's eyes, knew he was too invested when Alec's tracking coma left Magnus adrift and desperate, but this is the first time he can see how they're both too far gone.

It's also the first time this connection feels warm and quiet, no longer a tidal wave trying to drown them, but a sunlit beach, peaceful all the way to the horizon.

He wants to keep this feeling forever.

Alec's fingers shift, tracing the edges of Magnus' rings. Magnus tightens his grip until they still, and lifts Alec's hand just high enough to press a kiss of his own against the smooth skin just behind Alec's knuckles.

Alec inhales, sharp enough to be heard, sharp enough Magnus can feel the lift of his chest.

Magnus lets go, feels the way Alec's fingers catch against his own as they separate, as he makes himself step back. He exhales, slow and long and steady.

He needs to do this right. They need to take their time, step by step, until they figure out how to do this together.

"Some tea, perhaps, before you have to go?"

Alec blinks, and that small crooked smile appears and disappears, and Magnus is quite sure he knows exactly what Magnus is thinking. He nods. Magnus knows he's not just agreeing to tea, but they neither of them say so.

It's enough, for now. Magnus waves them both back into the well-lit warmth of the loft, and Alec trails behind him into the kitchen.

For now, it's perfect.


	8. vitality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is Introspective, and Magnus is the epitome of vitality [[tumblr](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/179758918653)]

Alec always knows when Magnus enters a room.

To be fair, most people notice Magnus and his tendency towards grand entrances. But even when Magnus just slips in through a doorway, when his fingers trail silently against the books on a shelf in the background, Alec always knows that he's there.

He shines.

Frequently literally, the detail on his clothes, the highlights in his hair, the shimmer of his make-up. But it's not just his accessories, it's Magnus himself. 

He fills a room, and every eye turns towards him.

At first Alec thinks Magnus' presence is a heavy thing, the gravity of a star pulling people closer by the weight of his years, the depth of his experiences. But as Alec becomes more familiar with immortality, he wonders. He meets Seelies and Vampires as old as Magnus, older even, and none of them draw people the same way. In fact, they're mostly quiet souls, distant and almost wistful, as if it's difficult for them to exist in the day-to-day, to interact with the time-frame of mortality.

Seelies never were human, and Vampires have to leave their humanity behind... but Alec doesn't think _humanity_ is enough to make the difference, or he would never have seen the same vague shadows in a Warlock's eyes. And he has, more than once. But even the ones that are still so clearly present around mortals and mundances don't make the air spark, aren't tangible in the same way as Magnus. They're none of them as bright or brilliant as Magnus, even allowing for Alec's own biases.

Or allowing for them as much as Alec _can..._ he's aware that considering Magnus as any sort of _normal_ is not one of his strong suits. 

But he likes puzzles, and he especially likes watching Magnus, so he tries. 

Magnus clings tightly to the present, and Alec is starting to understand why, starting to see why he flinches from the future and turns away from his past. There's too much of it otherwise, too many years in either direction, and every single day it's worse, bigger and broader and heavier with memory and potential.

Magnus draws the eye, not just because of how he presents himself, but because of how he _exists,_ because he is entirely and completely _there_ more often than anyone else Alec has ever met _._ Magnus fills any room he enters because Magnus forces himself to live completely in that room in a way Alec has never seen anyone else manage.

Alec's not sure he's ever seen anyone else even try.

Magnus is _alive,_ each breath, each heart-beat, each step, each extravagant wave of his arms.

It's the most beautiful thing Alec has ever seen.

Not that that's a new feeling. Magnus is clearly the most beautiful person in the world. Always has been. 

Always will be. 

Even if Magnus doesn't believe it. 

Alec hopes that if he tells Magnus often enough, that some day he will.


	9. scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a kiss on a scar, or after a small rejection [[tumblr prompt](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/179876427223)]
> 
> also apparently a 3x10 coda

They're bouncing and ricocheting around the kitchen, nothing like their usual dancing around each other from stove to counter to fridge and back again. Alec can see the muscles clench in Magnus' jaw, can feel the knot between his shoulder blades twisting ever tighter. 

"I am perfectly capable of feeding us," Magnus grits out. The _without magic_ at the end of the sentence hovers silently between them. 

Alec inhales, feels his nostrils flare even as he swallows an entirely unreasonable urge to yell. _Let me help you, you stubborn asshole._ "No one's claiming otherwise."

"Then why are you _here._ "

Alec flinches. He knows Magnus means his position in the middle of the kitchen, but once again he feels like he's trespassing, like this is Magnus' space and Alec is in the way, like Alec has taken too much already, like Alec doesn't belong.

"Sorry," he manages to mutter, and he ducks his head and turns and heads toward the front door to find his boots. 

"Alexander?" Magnus' voice cracks and he grabs Alec's wrist before he can manage more than a step. "What are you doing?" The anger and irritation are both gone, something bare and open and lost in Magnus' voice.

"I thought, I mean. I just wanted to help, and I'm not, so." Alec's voice trails off, he doesn't even know what he's thinking anymore, can't pull any one particular emotion out of the whirlpool of relief and regret and guilt and love and exhaustion that's still trying to pull him down. "Why can't I help you?"

He doesn't just mean dinner. 

_Why can't I ever help, why do you always give, and give, and lose._

Magnus' grip shifts around Alec's wrist until he can lift Alec's arm up high enough to press a kiss into the inside of his forearm. 

They'd healed it, no sign of a scar, no bruise, no lingering pain beyond a faint phantom ache that Alec knew was more in his head than his arm, and yet Alec was completely sure that Magnus had found the exact spot where the bone had broken.

Alec swallows, and his fingers curl in the air. He's cast adrift, unable to tighten his grip on anything. 

"You help me all the time." Magnus shrugs, an unusually small movement for him. "I need to know I can do this." There's warmth in his eyes, and a deep and endless sorrow, and the silent _let me do this for you_ settles easily across Alec's shoulders. 

Alec nods, and Magnus' fingers relax, and Alec sits. "Thank you."

Magnus nods back, and spins around to check the stove.

Alec props his head on his hand, and feels his shoulders loosen as he watches. Magnus is always a joy to watch. Every once in awhile there's a brief stutter in his usual grace, but he keeps going, the pause always so short it doesn't really interrupt what he's doing. The pauses are so short that Magnus can pretend they never happen, and Alec certainly won't ever claim otherwise. 

Dinner is, unsurprisingly, delicious. 

Alec does the dishes afterwards, and Magnus smiles. Alec can't remember he saw him smile like that, simple happiness at being here, at being them, at the glass of wine he's still sipping, at the sound of the water running, at the slight tink of ceramic plates bumping as Alec puts the last plate on the rack. 

Alec hangs his towel up, slips over to Magnus' side, and steals his wine-glass just in time to take the last swallow for himself. 

Magnus grins at him, and Alec leans in to kiss him. He can taste the wine in Magnus' mouth, warmer and sweeter than it was from the glass.

_I love you._

They both hear it, feel it, whether they say it or not. 

"I love you," Magnus whispers against Alec's mouth.

Alec sighs, soft and slow. It's still nice to hear, nice to say. "I love you, too."

It doesn't solve anything, but it's enough. It's a good night. Everything else they'll figure out tomorrow. 


	10. enlightened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [lygerastia for lutavero](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/180686607643) aka jilly is bad at prompts because she could not do "The condition of one who is only amorous when the lights are out " for Magnus & Alec because _have you seen the way they look at each other_. So this happened instead! Magnus thinks too much and jilly has feelings everywhere.

Sunlight gilds Alec’s skin, makes every rune stand out in sharp relief, catches in his eyes until they’re brighter and warmer and hold a hint of precious gold in their depths. He looks like a treasure, a statue, something almost too priceless to touch.

The lights at the Institute silhouette him, outline him, emphasize the depth of his chest and the line of his shoulders and the length of his stride, make his eyes look darker, sharper, like shadows in a forest as old and ancient as Raziel himself.

Magnus likes Alec best after the sun sets, his Shadowhunter most himself at night. Moonlight lingers against his skin like a lover’s touch until he glows with it, as pale and timeless as the moon herself. His eyes are hidden, secret, until he lifts his chin and chooses to show them. They change with the light, with his moods, the glint of humor, the warmth of affection, the hard dark edges of his temper shifting and moving, as endless and restless as the wind through the trees. 

Alec is the first Nephilim Magnus has ever known who truly looks _angelic._ Not just pretty like the mundane fairy tales, but like a righteous messenger of god _,_  martial and deadly and strong-willed, resonating with power, so beautiful he captivates and entrances, a man who carries the load of his responsibilities without once letting his shoulders slump, or his gaze waver.

Except, sometimes, with Magnus, when he sighs and lets his head rest on Magnus’ shoulder, and Magnus has to close his eyes to bear it, the grace of it all making his heart ache. He kisses Alec like that, with his eyes closed and his heart bared, because there are no words for this, no light as bright as the way Alec makes him feel. 

Magnus knows he is going to love Alexander _forever,_  and it is both the best and worst thing he has ever done. 


	11. dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Tarantism - The urge to overcome melancholy by dancing.](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/180990847508) Please enjoy my pre-canon Lightwood siblings feels, thank you.

Emotions were a “weakness”.

But however hard they tried to pretend otherwise, Isabelle knew that even Lightwoods had them. 

She wasn’t sure where her parents hid theirs; she saw the occasional flicker, but they kept up the pretense pretty well, at least in public. She also wasn’t sure when their children started counting as public, and she tried not to think too much about it. 

Her brothers though.

They pounded their emotions out of their bodies. 

Jace preferred sparring, pitting himself against someone else, proving himself better, better, _the best._

Alec trained, but he only fought against himself, the bag, the target, the floor under his feet, over and over, trying to be better, better than last time, _never good enough._

She wasn’t much different, she knew, if slightly more like Jace than Alec, showing off and making sure she knew how to _win._

Losing wasn’t an option. Not for Shadowhunters. Especially not for Lightwoods.

She might have a slightly different definition of losing than Alec, than Jace, a very different one than her parents, but she’d learned that lesson as well as they had. 

But tonight, her whip seemed too heavy, and her boots too loud against the floor, and it seemed like _work_. Tonight… tonight she was tired of blood.

There was only one other option when you couldn’t risk feeling and you didn’t want to bleed.

“My turn to pick the club tonight,” Izzy informed her brothers.  


Alec huffed out a breath, but he didn’t _quite_  roll his eyes, and he didn’t argue. He was probably even more tired than she was; he was usually even more tired than she was. She wasn’t sure how he got up most days, but she was glad that he could, still, for them if not himself. 

Jace shrugged, as if he didn’t care, but his lips quirked up and his eyes brightened and she knew she had him.

“Out front in an hour.” She met Alec’s gaze just long enough to see the hint of humor before he did, this time, roll his eyes. She turned and headed towards her room to change. She felt her hair bouncing in its pony-tail, and shot a glance back over her shoulder. “Don’t be late!”  


“Like we’re the ones who take forever getting ready,” Jace muttered, but he was smiling, and he said it quietly enough she could ignore him.   


She took them to a mundane club; she never could remember the name, but the music was steady and the lights didn’t flash too much and the bouncers always let them in.

Bouncers always let them in everywhere, truth be told. Even Alec knew he’d never have trouble getting in when they played mundane, though he never quite believed the _why._  For her and Jace, sure, but never himself. Her eye-rolled _you’re hot as hell, you doofus,_ never seemed to convince him. 

_No one looks scary arguing with a giraffe,_ he’d argued once, when Izzy had commented on the wide-eyed look the bouncer had given him before waving them in, and Jace had snorted and shaken his head. 

They’d mostly given up on trying to convince him, though she held onto the hope that someday he’d believe them. 

Still, even Alec let it all go when they went dancing.

Her brothers danced a lot like they trained; Jace found the edges of the crowd, where you could slip between partners and everyone was laughing, cheering, egging each other on; he tested himself against them all, and he always won. 

Jace seldom stayed as long as Alec and Isabelle did, but he almost never left alone.

 Alec found the deepest tightest crush of people, the spot where he was, paradoxically, most alone, and he half closed his eyes and he fell into the beat and the whole club danced around him until they kicked him out at closing time.

Well. They never quite had the nerve to _kick,_  but Alec had no reason to stay without the crowd’s heartbeat keeping his going, without the noise drowning out his thoughts.

Isabelle just liked to play. Sometimes she danced, sometimes she drank, sometimes she found a partner on the dance floor or for a quick visit to someone’s bed… but always she made sure she _felt it,_  every new song, every smile, every laugh, every brush of someone’s arm against her skin, every sip of every drink. Here she could be Izzy, here she could feel _anything,_  here she could feel everything.

Tomorrow she’d be a Lightwood again.


	12. spontaneity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Concilliabule - A secret meeting of people who are hatching a plot]()

Whispers stop when he enters a room or hallway. Every single time. 

Alec had expected it here in Alicante, at least a little, but he’d really been hoping it would have gotten a little better by now. He’d hoped that his position would finally be strong enough that not everyone would think that they could get away with gossiping in public anymore.

He knew better than to wish that they’d stop gossiping at all… but apparently even a polite fiction of acceptance was too much to hope for. Apparently he’ll never be free of this, of side-long glances and fake smiles and shadows of distaste in people’s eyes.

He’s survived it this long. No reason to give up and let it bother him now… but he’s just so _tired._

He wants a break.

He _needs_  a break.

He gets back to his assigned rooms and checks his schedule. Everyone has ever so politely ducked out of the meeting he was _supposed_  to have tomorrow. Alec sighs. He considers ever so politely declining _back;_  there’s only one more conference tomorrow afternoon, and it isn’t anything that important.

He blinks.

It really _isn’t_  important.

He checks Izzy’s and Underhill’s schedules back home, and he feels the knot tightening between his shoulder blades start to unravel.

He could take a break?

He taps his stylus on his desk as he stares at the calendar on his tablet. He should talk to them first, ask them, _warn them._ But if there’s something they haven’t put on the schedule that they actually need him for, that’s their own damn fault, isn’t it? If there’s a mess, they’re more than capable of cleaning it up without him.

He can do this.

He’s going to do this?

Alec grins.

He’s never done anything like this before, but even just considering it is liberating. Magnus would be so proud.

Magnus will be so proud… if it works out. There is one person he does have to talk to before Alec makes it official.

“Alexander!” Magnus’ voice lifts in obvious delight. It isn’t often that Alec logs into the landline network in order to make a call from Alicante, usually making do with the occasional fire message; he hates the weird echo from by-passing Idris’ wards, but he wants to hear Magnus’ voice for this. “What a pleasant surprise?”  


Alec snorts softly. There’d been a hint of doubt in that question, a smidgen of worry, wondering why Alec was doing something a bit out of character.

“No bad news, I promise.”  


Magnus lets out a soft sigh of relief. “Then to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Are you doing anything the next few days?”  


“Hmm.” There’s a pause as Magnus thinks, or possibly summons his calendar; he’s inordinately fond of the thick paper day-book he keeps in his apothecary, rather than a digital version. “I’ve got some safe-house wards maintenance, but that can be done anytime in the next few weeks, and everything else is research or translation work, nothing that’s terribly urgent or has a hard deadline. Why?”  


“I was wondering if you’d be willing to whisk me away on a whirlwind vacation.”  


Magnus _gasps,_ loud and dramatic. Alec can picture him pressing his hand to his heart in exaggerated shock. “Really?”

Alec lets himself laugh, and realizes as he does so that it’s been several days since he’d managed even a proper smile. “Really. There’s no point in hanging around here after the formal dinner tonight, and the Institute’s covered ‘til the end of next week.”

“Anywhere in particular, or would you like me to surprise you?”  


“I like it when you surprise me.” Alec leans back in his chair with a sigh. “No mountains though, I’ve been staring at them enough while pretending I can’t tell everyone’s whispering behind my back.”  


“Of course. No mountains, check.” Magnus’ voice is sympathetic, and warm enough Alec can feel it all the way down his spine. He sighs again as he relaxes just that little bit more. “Clothing optional?”  


That startles enough laugh out of Alec, short and sudden enough it’s almost more of a snort, and it takes a moment before he can manage to answer. “Sounds perfect.”

“Excellent. You leave everything to me then, until tomorrow?”  


Alec starts to nod, tapping on his tablet to take himself off the Institute’s schedule as he does. He looks down at what he’s done, and realizes he doesn’t even have to wait that long. “I’m going to snag a portal to the Institute tonight, actually?”  


“Even better!” Magnus sounds almost giddy, and Alec wonders why he never thought to try something like this before now. “But that means I need you to get off the phone so I can get everything ready.”  


“I love you.”  It only takes a few more swipes to pull up his out-of-office message, and Alec’s all set to disappear for a few days. With Magnus. What a wonderful prospect.  


“I love you, too.”


	13. protective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anon tumblr prompt: [“If the choice comes down to my life or yours, I’m always going to choose yours.”](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/182983047793)
> 
> (Jace POV)

Jace both loves and hates when Magnus is around when they’re fighting something. On the one hand, another person determined not to let Alec take every hit meant for someone else is always welcome. Extra firepower? Great. Back-up healing that doesn’t require you still have enough internal strength to power an _iratze?_  Awesome.

On the other hand, Alec is even more protective than usual, which is saying something. He’s almost reckless with it, faster and sharper and impatient with any demons that take too long to die. 

Jace doesn’t know what to _do_  with a _parabatai_  who moves forward rather than pulling Jace back. He’d never realized how often his fighting style was purposefully balancing himself against that protective _tug,_  pushing just far enough to let the metaphorical almost-fall give him extra momentum, let him swing faster and harder and farther. 

He adjusts of course, because he’s still good at what he does, because he can’t let Alec down, but it’s _hard,_  and by the time the last demon falls he half wants to cry with exhaustion, half wants to wrap Alec up in about a dozen blankets and never let him out in the field again. 

But then Alec smiles at him, a short glimpse of honest gratitude rather than the exasperated sarcasm they usually share in public, and Jace can’t help but smile back.

And then Alec turns to Magnus, and his smile is even softer, and Magnus’ shoulders curve and he smiles back, and Jace holds in the snort of laughter. They’re ridiculous.

Not that he’s any better. Protecting Alec means protecting Magnus. Protecting Magnus circles back to protecting  _Alec,_  which is Jace’s preferred reason for just about anything, and one of the few things he and Magnus _always_  agree on. Protecting Alec always comes first.


End file.
